How to Break Down, Scale, and Work Around Your Brick Wall

We all come to a point where we feel we have reached the end of our research on a branch of our tree. Plugging along, we happily add new members (always with documentation, right?) and keep going back, back, back..........BAM! Brick wall. An almost insurmountable conundrum. It's like the relative in question dropped out of the sky. Confused and hurt, we decide there's no getting around it.......... until there is.

If you've never watched "True Blood", there's a great quote in the first season that I keep in mind whenever doing a search. One character named Terry is talking about setting up a party like a debutant coming out and another character says he didn't realise Terry came from an "old family". Terry's response? "Everyone comes from an old family. Some just kept better records." And ain't that the truth? Even if you are one of the lucky few that find an unbroken documented line back to a verifiable family from antiquity, you will eventually reach a stopping point. For most of us plebeians, that's in the 1800's. Millions have come and gone without doing anything of historical importance, so there are more unknown than known relatives. There have been wars and natural disasters that have destroyed documentation, leaving us with a hole that only a leap of faith can bridge. Ancestors were human too, and as humans they made mistakes, told lies and stretched the truth....... a few fudged facts, and there's a line erased. How do we know we've truly reached the end and won't get around it? What can we do to break through this wall? In the word's of the great Taoist, Winnie the Pooh: "Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it".

My Brick Wall
When I started my family tree, I had one branch I was already resigned to never knowing. My great grandmother Brown was from Scotland. There was a story in the family that she was actually Jewish and from Germany or Poland or "something". She insisted she was Scottish and that was that. For about ten years, I lost track of my mother's side of the family. When I was able to reconnect, my great grandmother was gone and so was possibly the best link to the truth. I asked my mother, who insisted we were Jewish. She thought we were from Czechoslovakia and said her grandfather had changed his name, so it wasn't whatever it was before. My grandmother told me that her mother's maiden name had been Brown in Scotland, so I was essentially looking for a marriage contract between a Charles Brown and a Margaret Brown..... great. And if great great grandpa was going under an assumed name, how was I supposed to find the real name???? Occasionally, a relative would give me a new bit of information that I'd happily plug into my tree and search with no positive results. So I did like many a newbie, and I saw this as a wall far and wide that I'd never climb and forgot about it for the most part. Until a friend, Loretta, posted her Friday tip on her blog and a perfect stranger on Ancestry's Facebook page asked a question about one of Crista Cowan's tips for "researching like a pro". I resolved once again to chip away at the brick wall.

Back to the Family
A year ago, my aunt was in contact with a cousin in Scotland. The relative knew of a brother named Joseph, one Frank and a sister Mary. Mary died in Scotland at the age of 33, though birth and death dates weren't known. She was also able to get great grandma's original maiden name of Levingskas. It seems that the name change that great grandpa did was to change Levingskas to Lavinski..... really? That was it? That was the big name change that was going to stop me dead in my tracks? Actually, for a while it did, as I still couldn't find anything on a Margaret Lavinski. Then another aunt who had been doing some research in the family told me Margaret came to the states in 1927 or so.... back to the searches. No immigration records for Margaret Lavinski (she marries great grandpa Brown in the 1930's). The Scottish cousin also mentioned that some of the later family changed the name to Livingstone. That lead to bupkis. A few months ago, I finally get my grandmother to give me some pictures. In one is great grandma at 16 with the name Margaret Brown. Dang, back to that again. So when did great grandpa and family go by Brown? According to grandma "as soon as they moved to Scotland". According to my research "who the hell knows?"

Johnny, Margaret, Frank

There were a few rays of sunshine in our conversation, however. The picture of great grandma was with her friend and she had written on the back their names and her age with the date. She was 16 in 1929, living in Scotland. So she was born about 1907. Besides the picture of great grandma "Brown" and her friend, I was also given a photo of great grandma and two of her siblings with their names and ages on the back. That's right, now I had "This is me, Gramma Brown with my brothers taken in Scotland. Johnny aged 13, me 11, Frank 9." So Johnny was born in 1905, Frank 1909. New information, new relatives! Did they come to the States too? Grandma thought yes. I did a few searches and found some possible records that I saved to my shoebox (an excellent feature if used correctly), but without more information, I couldn't be sure these were my relatives. Once again, I was stuck.

Working Around the Wall with Siblings

Now, after reading Loretta's blog, I decided to put Margaret aside and find out about her brothers. Using Crista's advice, I wanted to find out if and when they came to the states. Off to Ancestry I went, searching out Frank or John(ny) Levingskas/ Lavinski. What I found was a naturalisation index for a Frank Joseph Lavinski. He had a birth date of August 22, 1908. He was born in Scotland. He lived in Chicago. Hmmm, grandma was born in Chicago. This might be a match, so it's off to find more proof!

But what is the next step? Well, stick with Frank and try to find a passenger list or census, right? I want to know when this Frank came to America. About five hints down is a Frank Lavinski in a 1930 census living as a boarder in Chicago..... could it be? According to his naturalisation, Frank didn't change his name to Lavin until 1937, so we have a possibility.

1930 U.S. Census

So now, Frank (age 21) is living as a boarder to a Walter Mitkus who is a widower with two children Martha (age 16) and Francis (age 14). Walter's sister-in-law Margaret Plunkus (age 23) and his niece Margaret Jr. (age 1 1/2) are also living with him. Walter is from Lithuania. Margaret and Frank are from Scotland. Could this be my great grandma with her brother and brother-in-law? If so, why is Frank a "boarder"? And why is she named Plunkus? Maybe I have it wrong. So I once again start a search for Frank, this time looking for a passenger list. I find a Frank Lavinski on a New York arrival log. And now I'm going to give you an invaluable piece of advice that was passed down to me from another researcher on Ancestry: CHECK THE PAGE BEFORE AND AFTER YOUR RECORD. On the first page, I found his name and birth year, port of departure and nationality. He was a Lithuanian who sailed from England. I checked the pages before and after and found a second page listing contact information. His contact for his departure was his father John Lavinski living in Mossend, Scotland. He was going to visit his brother-in-law WALTER MITKUS of Chicago!  I now felt I was on the right family..... maybe. It could still be a whole different group of Lavinskis. My aunt said great great grandpa was Jonas Levingskas/Lavinski, so could he have changed his first name to John?.... I wonder what happened to Walter's wife. Off to find Walter in the 1920 Census!

Scaling the Wall with Corroborating Documents

Report of death of a U.S. citizen abroad

I find Walter in 1920, Chicago with his children Martha (6) and Francis (4). I also see a wife Mary (23). Mary is was born in Lithuania. Well, the family could have moved after her birth. So how did Mary get from Lithuania to the States and then die in Scotland? After a search of Mary Mitkus in Scotland, I found this record for a death of a United States citizen abroad.

Seems Mary Mitkus died in 1929, so she'd have been 33. That seemed to fit with what my aunt had told me. The form states that her effects were in the hands of her father John Levinskas of Mossend, Scotland. At the same address as the contact for Frank's passenger list. Her daughters Martha and Francis were temporarily with their grandfather at Mossend. Her husband, Walter Mitkus was in Chicago with her sister Margaret PRUNKES. So the name on the 1930 census may be wrong (or this one is), but everything was starting to line up that I had the right documents about these people. But what about this Plunkus/Prunkes surname?

As it turns out, my great grandmother was married before she met my great grandfather. Grandma didn't know the name of her husband, but now I did. I confirmed with grandma that her oldest sister was in fact from this first marriage. Now to refine my search for a Margaret Prunkes/Plunkus. The 1930 census shows that Margaret Jr. was born in Illinois and her father was from New York. A search of Ancestry and Family Search don't come up with anything quick. I try a few spelling changes, try to search the husband's surname in New York only. I try to find a birth notice for Margaret Jr. in Chicago. Nothing is really fitting together. This may take a little time, but I've made more headway in a week than I have in a year.

Off to Break My Wall, BRB
I'm not giving up. I've got new avenues to explore and it could all be at my fingertips with a few website searches. Or I could have to get in touch with local parishes and authorities in Scotland to find out more about the Levingskas' immigration to Scotland from Lithuania. Knowing Mary was born in Lithuania and Margaret Scotland narrows down the travel time. I still have to find something about Johnny too. And there was a brother that stayed behind in Scotland named Joseph; but then again Frank's middle name is Joseph (of course, it's not uncommon for a family to reuse a name even in the same generation). I did a search for their father John/Jonas Levingskas/Lavinski (narrowed the search to just Scottish records) and found a WWI British Army Medals Index for Joseph Levingskas. I clicked on the photo and got:



Dear Researcher, F You. Love, Britain

  As disheartening as the lack of information first seemed, there was hope. I checked Ancestry's description of the index, which lead to a Google search for the Medal Rolls, which lead me to the National Archives. It's £2 to get a copy of the record (about $3.17), but it is available. I'm not sure I want it just now as I don't have proof that this is my relation (and sadly, I don't have a budget for records this month). So I also did the free surname research on Scotland's People just to see if there were records for Levingskas. Turns out, quite a few. I can't view them without paying (per view), so this will also be on the back burner until the budget allows. But can you feel how close we are? I am going to continue other avenues including hitting the message boards and other websites, but I'm also going to set aside some money to get at these records. I'm no longer blocked. I have many avenues to investigate. New names and dates to track down. New questions that could lead right back to the beginning of my search. Like, who was Margaret's first husband? What happened to Walter and his daughters? Where's Frank after 1930? (one more name waiting for the 1940 census!) Did John/Jonas ever come to the States? Mary has an immigration of 1909 according to the 1920 census; that's pretty young. What happened there, and who did she come with, if anyone?

One thing to remember: Having more questions than answers doesn't mean you have a brick wall. It may mean you have to dig deeper. Or check the branches to better get at the root. Or ask the right questions. You may have to put it to the side until you can view it with fresh eyes. You may have to ask someone else to look at it to see if they ask questions you haven't thought about yet. Unless there's a document that says "fell from the Heavens", you may be just around the corner from your breakthrough. Keep an open mind and save records that are possible until they are impossible. The more collateral proof you have, the better your chance of finding the real facts.

Ponder, Ponder, Ponder
-Ana

Does the Mona Lisa Smile?

There has been a great deal of research done on the dwindling ability of our young to understand facial expressions. When you play with an infant, they become more engaged and animated the more your face alters its expression. They learn how to tell if you are happy or sad or angry because you make those faces. The problem is, with our ever growing computer culture, we are getting less expressive. As a consequence, we are also losing our ability to differentiate the expressions we do receive. The less we interact face to face, the less we understand the myriad of clues our face provides. I'm sure you've had a conversation with a younger person and found them unable to understand your emotional state (either accusing you of yelling when you aren't or not understanding how upset you really are) or found a blank face staring at you insisting that they are devastated. Maybe you are like me and wonder why movies today are full of emotionless mannequins with no ability to emote what their lines seem to be suggesting.

Now why in the world is this relevant to your genealogical research? Well, have you ever run across an unanswerable question only because you cannot justify a relative's actions? You find a relative in an orphanage despite his father living in the same town. Someone in your family owned, sold, or was a slave. They seemed to pick up stakes and move for no reason beyond it was a Tuesday. Sometimes, you know why they did what they did; or at least you think you do. What you are really wondering about is how it must've felt. You are looking for an emotional "why". The problem is, you are looking at a 19th century life with 21st century eyes. You are the stone faced teen unable to read what's clearly written on your ancestor's countenance.

So you end up with a brick wall. Not so much out of lack of information, but a lack of understanding. You stare blankly at a document telling you where your ancestor lived, died or worked and it makes no sense. What do you do? Well, don't take this the wrong way, but you READ. This can be as simple as looking on Wikipedia for a historical sketch of the time and/or place your ancestor lived in. It can be an in depth look at the history of the founding of a town or mass exodus of a people. Or it can be my favorite kind of reading: classic works of fiction for fun. If you truly want to know how your family felt and thought, pick up an author from their time and country and read. Historical works are fine and good, but are often written in hindsight and always from the winning side; so keep that in mind. And a fictional story from a contemporary writer is usually the easiest way to tap into the communal attitudes of the time. One of my favorite authors, Dickens, has a myriad of fictional works that can put the reader smack dab into the middle of English life in the 19th century. Bringing to light the foul treatment of children and poor families, his works tug at our hearts and open a window into the world in which he (and many ancestors) lived. To read Dickens is to understand the social order and philosophy of his world. Want to know how it felt to be a slave? Read the accounts of freed slaves like Frederick Douglass. What was the attitude of whites during slavery? Read a white author born and raised in the time of slavery, especially if they have black characters in their narratives (ever read Crusoe?). Curious as to the treatment of women? There are several women authors throughout history who delve into issues important to them in both fiction and nonfiction. It doesn't take much perusal of Jane Austin to know how bored she must've been with her life. Suffragette pamphlets, while biased, can make for a fun read and really enlighten you to the discord felt by women (especially after WWI when many had tasted work outside of the home for the first time). Read a medical journal on women's health and find yourself shocked (and a little amused) at what the "leading minds" thought caused women to be sick (hint: it was usually because of a faulty uterus). Moreover, fostering a love of literature will enrich your life and provide you with a broader cultural awareness. And who doesn't want that?

In the research on facial recognition, scientists found that the more expressions a person was exposed to, the better their ability to differentiate them. The same can be said for a well-read person. The more time periods you choose to read from/about, the more you choose differing ideals and philosophies, the greater your chance on picking up the subtle clues in your family's past. By exercising your literacy, you also exercise your cognitive abilities. Exposure to a vast array of ideas only helps you to hone your own reasoning skills to a finer edge. Everyone should read more books!

Now, I have no problem helping people with their brick walls or understanding their ancestors. "Ask and you shall receive" has always been a mantra of mine. But I think people have forgotten, or never knew, how to research. I have gone to actual courthouses and societies to do research, but 90% of what I do to help others is online. When I am asked a question on Ancestry's Facebook page, I'm going to Google anything I don't readily know. Most of the questions I answer for others are things they could find within 20 minutes of a simple Internet search. Sometimes it takes a special knowledge of the time or place in question, but not always. When you run into a question, your first stop should be a Google search. The answer may be readily available to you with nothing but a few keystrokes. Can't find it or still confused? Now ask for help. But ask correctly. When you ask another to help in your research, tell them what you know right now (names, dates, locations), where you've already looked and what specifically you want to know. I can't give that bit of advice enough. Asking a generally vague question will get back vague answers if any answer at all. And always remember that how we feel about a situation isn't how our ancestors felt. They may have been good people in a bad situation.... but they could've also been bad people making their own situation worse.

Ours is not to judge, but to learn.

-Ana

Genealogy, TV, and You

First, let me say that I hate reality television for the most part. I really could care less what drama is going on in the lives of a celebrity or someone looking for love by whoring it up with a large pool of potential mates that they never get to know. I don't have the patience for game shows that are so contrived that half the program is the "suspense" of waiting for the host to tell the contestant whether or not they answered a simple question correctly. There are two exceptions however. One is the "Amazing Race", which I love because I'd love to travel and they go to interesting places and learn fun new things. The other is "Who Do You Think You Are", where they take celebrities and follow their roots to find something that they didn't know about their family. It's genealogical crack. And it's on Prime Time! I have watched it and learned quite a bit. Sometimes how they get through to a new relative helps me get past my own brick wall. While on Ancestry's Facebook page, someone mentioned that there was a similar show on BYUTV for regular folk and that PBS also had a show coming out. I found myself wondering what other programs about genealogy were available. Turns out quite a few. Here are some that I found, what they're about and where you can buy/watch them.

Celebrity Themed
"Who Do You Think You Are?"- There is an American and British version of this show. This is actually a British import, having already eight seasons. The American version is currently airing their third on NBC, Fridays. The concept is simple: take a celebrity, research their history. The shows both have good tips and links on their websites and I recommend watching both if you can. Currently the American version has their first season for sale; the British has their seven completed seasons out. I was able to find both on Amazon, but they were also available on the respective websites of each version as well. They also sell companion books that go into more detail for each season. I haven't looked into those, but some people on Ancestry's facebook page have said it's well worth a look.

"Finding Your Roots" is a new one coming out middle of March 2012 on PBS. On this show, two celebrities from seemingly disparate backgrounds are connected together through their family histories. Henry Louis Gates Jr. is the producer, writer and presenter and this is just his latest genealogy show. "African American Lives" and "African American Lives 2" were his first forays into televised genealogy with notable African Americans as the guests. Dealing with the specific trials of tracing African American heritage, it is a compelling story at times. The best part is the many resources linked on the respective websites. That alone is well worth the look. "Faces of America with Henry Louis Gates Jr." was his series in 2010 for PBS. It also showed celebrities like the Who Do You Think You Are concept taking 12 celebrities on the journey in four episodes. These are already on DVD and you can find them in the PBS shop. There are also companion books for these programs.

"Family Historian" is a long running New York genealogical program that gave many tips on searching out family history. This website has the episodes for sale, but be warned, both the show and the website are decidedly low production. (There is music playing on the website that will drive you batty- mute your speakers)

"Where are shows about non-celebrities like me????"
Not a day goes by that someone isn't on a forum asking why celebrities get to have their genealogy researched for them while ordinary people have to work hard and do it themselves. Well, fear not! You too can find help while getting your 15 minutes of televised fame! "Generations Project on BYUTV" is one that deals with "everyday" people. BYUTV is a cable channel provided by Brigham Young University and their sponsor the LDS Church. There are currently 36 episodes on their website for viewing. Want to be on tv? Then this is your option! If you live in the United States or Canada, you can tell them your story and may be chosen to be on their program.

"Ancestors In the Attic" is a Canadian series in it's fourth season. This program also deals with "ordinary" folk. They take Canadians and travel through Canada and the world to solve their familial mysteries. I've not found a place to purchase the series, but they are viewable on their website. One other is "Genealogy Roadshow", which is an Irish program in the vein of Antiques Roadshow. They take ordinary people with rumors and stories and try to find the truth behind them. Actually very interesting.

Other viewing options
These don't deal with a specific history as much as give you ideas where/how to search. "Genealogy Quest Series" by the Larimer County Genealogical Society (Colorado) is an interesting series using experts to give tips and tricks on how to research. "Ancestors" by KBYU has two seasons (1997 & 2000) available for purchase. This one has a website full of links and tips, so even if you don't purchase the DVDs, you should check it out. "Genealogy Gems TV" has a website, a facebook page, iTunes podcast and a Youtube channel all dedicated to teaching you new things about genealogy. I like this one because it's very active and truly helpful. Ancestry also has it's own Youtube channel for short presentations from their resident genealogy experts on how to use the site as well as get around brick walls. In fact, there are quite a few channels and individual episodes available on Youtube if you just search "genealogy".

Many of the programs' sites have online viewing options. Remember, however, that international copyright laws may prohibit your country from viewing them online. Some I could even find a link to buy the DVD collection. I looked at Hulu.com by simply searching "genealogy" and came up with many clips and episodes from several different shows including History Detectives and Who Do You Think You Are. So if you have the will, you can find some interesting programs that may give you a new avenue for your own search.

And if you simply must watch Reality TV, isn't it better to have an option that is fun and informative?
-Ana

Time Is Short

Crystal Hood-Pawlak 5/25/80-2/6/12

On Monday, February 6, 2012, my cousin Crystal passed away. At a mere 32 years of age, with a loving husband and five beautiful children, she was taken from this world by a heart attack. She was planning a renewal of her vows. Had even picked out a wedding dress. The last Facebook post I saw from her was Saturday. She was excited about possibly getting her federal tax return and finally purchasing a house after many setbacks. We laid her to rest today. Gathering as a family, some of us not seeing each other except for funerals and weddings, put us all in the mood to remember the fragile threads that hold us to this life. I had talked with Crystal about sitting down to get her story for my family tree, but we hadn't picked a time. It seemed that this week was too busy and next week was always just around the corner. There are things she'll never share with any of us, and the loss is profound.


If you have been doing any sort of genealogy for more than a year, you should have a great number of photos and stories from your relatives. Your tree may have some dead ends, but mostly it flourishes and grows almost every day. And yet, how much information about yourself have you documented? Do you have a journal? Do you keep records of your moves, your jobs, your interests? Even if it's not online in your tree, do you have birthdays and anniversaries for yourself and immediate family written somewhere? And what of your extensive research into your family's past? Can someone pick up right where you left off when you shuffle loose the mortal coil? Or will all you've done be lost and forgotten?

In order to protect our privacy, U.S. Census records aren't published until 72 years have passed. Now, you may think, "I'll be in my 70's or 80's, but still around. How cool!" But in reality, you may not be. How not cool. Other records in different states and countries around the world are kept private for 100 years (sometimes more) to protect the living. How long will your grandchildren have to wait for the answers you are able to supply right here and now? If you could talk to your ancestors, what questions would you wish you could get answered? Answer them now for the next generation.

Ancestry provides blank templates for censuses up to 1940. The U.S. Census Bureau has a great read called Measuring America: The Decennial Censuses From 1790 to 2000. This can provide you with information of every census and what was asked. Take the time to make a "report" of your life for these censuses so that your family won't have to wait 72 years to know who you were! And go beyond a census, write a journal if you can. Use a digital recorder or camera to record yourself and your life. Tell your story to people not yet here. Let them see and hear and feel who you are. I have always said that the only way to live a life without regret is to never let a secret lie buried, a hurt unhealed, or a thought unsaid. Even if you can't let those who know you now know something about you, it could be the answer your great great grandchildren will need.

My grandfather Gibson kept a daily record of most of his adult life. He could tell you how much he paid for anything to the penny. He wrote about birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, weddings..... heck, he wrote about how many tulips were planted in my grandmother's garden! These were little, inconsequential things. And they were priceless. I can hear his voice when I read his words. And while my children will never meet him, never hear him, they will know him. The essence of his life is in those books. My father has recently started writing things down. In my opinion, he edits too much. It's not because he's worried what people will think when he's gone (he'll tell you to your face what he doesn't like about you), he just doesn't think it's at all important. It's hard to get him to understand, it is very important. I gave him a voice recorder so he could tell his stories in a free flowing way. That way he doesn't have to think, just talk. And those stories can be saved and played back after he is gone. No one tells his story like he does, and it'd be great to keep that alive. Whether he's using it or not, I have no idea. I don't pester him. It has to be something he wants to do.

The records of our life go beyond us, of course. You've been researching your family and there is a lot of detail that may be lost if it's not organised properly. How is your organisation? Do you have your photos labelled with who is in them and when they were taken? Are your sources documented so people know what you have found and where you have looked? If you handed over everything you have today to someone else, can they follow your lead? Do you have your passwords for your membership sites listed so they can access your information when you are gone? If you can't answer these questions with a sense of security that your passing will not mean a loss of all that you've spent your time on, then you need to get cracking! Don't expect to live, or be able to research, forever. Eventually you will have to pass the torch on to someone else. And don't hoard what you find. Share it with anyone in your family that's interested. Start grooming your "successor" while you're still around to insure they'll not screw up all your hard work.

I know one day, Crystal's youngest son may ask questions about a mother he barely had time to know. I deeply regret that I know he won't get those answers from me. I mourn the fact that some answers will never be given, as no one alive knows them. It's hard to believe that we would have to be diligent about documenting the life of such a young woman. I honestly thought that I could always catch up with her later, even if that was decades from now. That chance will never come for me. Don't let that chance pass your family by.

-Ana

Share and Share Alike

I can tell you I troll a few Facebook communities and genealogy forums and I watch what people are saying. One thing that has come up quite often on Ancestry's Facebook page is whether or not to make a tree "public" or "private". And since I was trapped this weekend at a relative's house looking through all her old photos, and the repercussions that followed, I got to thinking.

First, the weekend's conversation (in short form):

Me: Aunty, I've been looking for birth records on Great Uncle RumRunner and I can't seem to find them. Do you have a copy or know more about him?

Aunt Kooky: Well he was adopted. But that still means he's family.

Me: Of course he is. Did he know he was adopted? Do we know his birth relatives? Just for history's sake, really. It's not about him not being family, but maybe his kids will one day want to know about it and adoptions are hard to trace.

Aunt Kooky: Oh, well, yes he knew. Uncle RumRunner was the son of Great Grandma's first marriage. Grandpa adopted him when he was three. But you can't put that on your tree. I know you have a public tree on Ancestry and he might see it and feel like he's singled out.

Me: Uh, okay. Well it's not exactly how the tree works. *Explains how I can set Great Grandpa as "preferred" parent and being a public tree just means that if his "real" father had more kids, we may connect with some half-siblings and cousins, "and isn't that exciting?"*

Aunt Kooky: Oh well that makes sense. Here's photos of his real father and Great Grandmother. You can share those on your tree now that I am understanding it a bit more.

----

Me: Oh make me copies of these family reunion photos please!!!!

Cousin Helpful: No problem, I have a scanner and I'll make you a file to take to your computer. Let's spend the next several hours noting who is in each and every shot.

Me: Well if we're on the computer, let's add them to my facebook for the family!

Cousin: Splendid idea!!!!

----

*Phone rings early next morning*

Aunt Overreactive: HOW DARE YOU PUT PHOTOS OF ME ON THE INTERNET! I DON'T WANT ANY PICTURES OF ME ANYWHERE AND YOU WILL TAKE THEM DOWN RIGHT NOW!

Me: *half joking* Who is this?

Aunt Overreactive: I don't like my information just floating in the ether of the internet! I know your Facebook is friends only, but once something is on the internet, it never comes off. Dateline told me so! Now get up and get rid of those pictures before they're cached or something! And say hi to your dad when you see him Sunday.

*Not wanting to get into the "If you're worried about privacy, why do you have a Facebook account, I go to the computer to comply with her request*

Me: Well, golly, did every one of her kids have to email me about removing their mother from my pictures???? And there's an email from Cousin Somewhat Related saying some of the older photos are copies he gave to my cousin and didn't want them shared online........crap on a cracker.

Now, this is very truncated from the whole three days I spent with family trying to whittle information and photos out of them, but it seemed to really bring home some points people were making on the forums. Once something is on the internet or in someone else's hands, how much control do you have over anything? I've seen many complaints by people who's information and photos have been attached erroneously to someone not even related to them in another tree. They bemoan the heartache of their family member being used so unjustly. Their request to have the error fixed goes unanswered. There are those who have private trees specifically to protect the privacy of their relatives and they share only upon request. And what happens? Much to their horror, someone adds their private information on a public tree!!!! "I asked them not to share it and they did anyway!" Again, their request to rectify the mistakes goes unheeded. The weird one is the people with public trees that want to make it so private trees can't save their information. Why? "Because if they aren't sharing, I don't want to share with them." Really?

A note on the types of trees:

When you use Ancestry.com as a place for your tree online, you have three options:

1. The public tree. All that you add will be searchable. People, stories, photos, news articles.... all of it is available and anyone can find it and attach it to their tree. I use public trees. I want to help others by making the information easier to find and hopefully connect with another relation that may have different pieces of our collective puzzle.

2. Private, searchable tree. This means that when someone searches for information about their relative, they'll see a connection to your tree, photos or stories, but won't see the actual information. They'll need to contact you to get it. This is for those people who for whatever reason don't want the stuff just floating around, but feel they should be willing to share with a legitimate relative.

3. Private, unsearchable. This means that it won't show up in searches and no one knows it's there unless you tell them it is. This is a good option for those worried about privacy or if they know their information may be filled with errors and they want to correct them before compounding the problem by sharing the information.

There are many reasons why someone would want to privatise their information. A belief in personal privacy is the biggest. Wanting to share information with legitimate family or serious researchers is another big one. People who have just started (or have little information to share) may not want a public tree until they've gotten used to the system. They don't want to add to the myriad of already incorrect trees. On the other hand, sometimes a well-seasoned researcher can make someone feel awfully low for being wrong. Newbies are sensitive, sometimes overly so, and they take it as a personal attack when someone else is trying to be helpful by reminding them to check their work. So they hide until they have the confidence to jump into "the big leagues". These are just a few of the more often cited reasons I've seen, there are more I'm sure. And not everyone who makes a private tree is unwilling to share..... they just want to be asked first.

When it comes to what you pick for yourself, it's just preference. Now, I'm going to say this and take it how you like, but- no matter how "private" you make your information, it is on the internet and stored in someone else's server. If you truly do not want something to get out of your control, DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET. While Ancestry and many sites like it are very secure, you are accepting a level of risk by putting it out of your hands and into the web. I don't put anything out that I don't mind people finding and as such, I have had only one private tree. When I got a GEDCOM from an Uncle, I privatised it simply because I didn't know what he had. What he had was a load of errors. I've since added much of that tree to my public ones and I am slowly pulling it apart one person at a time. I have connected with a few private tree members and follow their wishes to keep their information off my tree. That stuff is saved on my computer or printed out. It makes my organisation a bit harder, but that's the agreement. More often than not, however, the private tree member has no problem with me adding it to my public tree if I cite where I got the record properly.

Now, when it comes to what other's choose to do with their tree, and this is important.....You have zero control.  I've found that most public member trees are ran by those with an altruistic approach to genealogy. They figure why make someone hunt it down if they've already done the legwork and can help. That's awful nice of them, and they usually understand that that means it'll not always be reciprocated. They may connect to someone who has less than they do, or is unwilling to share what they have. People may abuse their generosity and connect it to the wrong people on accident or purpose. Sometimes they express frustration, like private tree owners, that they message a member and get no response (or a rude one). But what can you do? Maybe the other person is no longer using Ancestry. The information doesn't get deleted, so it's out there forever. Maybe they don't want to connect to other people. Or maybe they aren't actively checking that branch or person and are engrossed in fact-finding elsewhere on their tree. It's on their "things to do", but just not "to do right now". Or maybe they are really that silly and believe that they have all the proof they need to make their case that their tree is right and your's is wrong. (Isn't everyone able to find their royal connections within the free 14 day trial?)

Whatever the case, trying to change them is like trying to scream at the wind. It'll do what it's going to do and all you get is high blood pressure and a sore throat. With that, I conclude by asking that you always try to see the other side's view and collaborate rather than contaminate. We are all at different levels of expertise and everyone needs a helping hand. Respect the wishes of your contributors and family on private matters, but also remember that privacy means different things to different people. I've learned my lesson on this one. I've asked permission from my relatives to make the information I'm given public. We also have an understanding that anything that should be kept "private" will be, as long as they tell me. I've taken the time this last weekend to explain to those concerned just what I am putting up there. I even invited a few of them to the tree and helped them set up their account to view it. And Cousin Somewhat Related gave me a happy email on Sunday with all the permissions I needed to have his photos.....for which I traded several family recipes and the promise to visit him soon.

-Ana

Interviewing Relatives

Now that you've gathered all you know, it's time to talk to your family. This can be done in one of two ways:

Casually

In a casual conversation, you can get a lot of random bits of information. I've found this is a good way to talk to older relatives that just don't have a linear thought process. It's also best for anyone uncomfortable with the idea of "interrogating" their relatives. You've really spent most of your life using this kind of process to learn about your family, you've just never cared to listen as much as you do now. Easiest way to start this conversation is just to say, "Hey, relative, I've been doing some research on the family tree and I was wondering if you had any photos or stories I could get." People love telling stories. Now, this approach means you'll get plenty of bull along with the truth, but the stories are important. Ever since Man had a history, he's wanted to tell someone about it hoping they'll pass it on. The bulk of human history has been oral; it's a time honored tradition. Now, some genealogists write these stories down from memory, I prefer using a voice recorder. First, I don't forget the details. Second, I find it a great addition to the media for my tree to have the actual story teller. I used this one with my dad, just told him I wondered about all the photos on the wall and he started talking. Pointed out his paternal grandmother with her five sisters, his cousins, his mother as a young (and very beautiful) woman. He told me stories of his childhood like digging out from a bad Chicago snow storm and who his best friends in high school were. And the stories of the Navy that I'd heard a hundred times, but now put more stock into. The way he tells some of these funny and touching stories would be lost to anyone I told them to. So now, I play back the recording and people laugh and say "God, no one tells it like Lou!"- and ain't that the truth. And the thought that great great grandchildren, who will never have a chance to meet my father will still hear the story straight from the horse's mouth is a beautiful thing.... While I did get a bit of "sure that happened", I did end up with one little gem that could help me later. It seems my Great Grandmother may not have been married to her husband when she had my Grandfather. And that it may have been her sister who introduced the two for the specific purpose of marrying off an unwed mother.... to her husband's cousin. So we're still blood, but not to Great Grandpa, maybe. Again, grain of salt. This was something he heard as a small boy and people didn't talk about that sort of thing loudly. He may have misheard...... or not. So that gets a note with a star to keep an eye out. Dad didn't know which sister was married to Great Grandpa's cousin, and he may have been a brother, he was confused. But it's a step in the right direction on an otherwise dead end. We never really talked to grandpa about his family. He didn't like his mother and definitely hated his, uh, "father". And now that he is gone, dad is the oldest living relative I can ask about it.

Another way to start this is to just say you are working on the family tree and want to know what they know. You'll get "oh, I don't know much.", so this start takes a little more than asking dad to tell you his football stories again, but you get better traction as far as direction. This worked with my maternal grandmother. I asked her for what she knew, she said nothing. I said, "Well, I'm coming over Thursday. Crack out the photo albums and we'll start there." And what did I get? Both her parents had previous marriages and children. Got their names, though she couldn't remember birthdays. Then she told me her first husband's name (I knew she had been married with three kids, but didn't know his name). That was like pulling teeth, because she didn't think it was important. Maybe, maybe not. While the first husband doesn't matter, it's a part of my grandmother's life. And that's as precious as platinum to me. My great find here? Oh so many. My Great Grandmother was Lithuanian descent, Scottish born. She had at least two brothers and a sister. One brother stayed in Scotland and his family is still there. The other siblings came to the States prior to Great Grandma. Oh and one of my Great Uncles has been working on the family line of Great Grandpa, would I like his email? Are you for real, old woman?????

Above all else, remember not to throttle your relatives. They just don't know any better.

The point of a casual conversation is to just let it flow. Get what you can and make frequent visits. Above all else, cherish the moment. You are making a memory that you can pass on in your own time.

Interview

Interview works well if you have a list of questions that you need to answer, or your relative is a more to the point kind of person. To be honest, this is more my style. I am a list maker, and a bit of a straight forward gal, so I really feel comfortable with just asking relatives about names and dates. This is best if you make a list of questions first. I've made a page of starter questions to help you above. Add to these as you see fit. When interviewing, if it helps, imagine yourself as a bit of a reporter talking to a politician or celebrity. You want to get the real scoop! How old are they? Where were they born? Where did they grow up? What were their parents like? Did they have siblings? What kind of work were they in before now? Were they in the military? Inquiring minds want to know!!!!!

Not everyone can answer all the questions you have, but that's okay. And some people are just unreliable for "facts". And that's okay too. Like any good reporter, you should always check your sources! I used this style for my mother and an aunt. I already had a bit of information, so I had specific questions. I asked mom for all the birthdays, because she's usually the one sending out cards. She had alot of them, but my family is big and cousins are prolific. So I'll have to hunt many of them down and ask them about themselves and their kids...... My aunt was a bit of a dry spot. She had been doing tree research, but she couldn't remember where any of her notes were. Best I got from her was an old page her and a second cousin had put together online with her father's tree back to the first settler. It was a start, albeit an incomplete and a little out of date start.

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Always remember to be sensitive to your relative's emotional state. You may unwittingly bring up a bad memory they can't deal with. Move on from it. And there is always the generational gap. Some relatives will find things too scandalous to talk about, like a bastard child or jailbird uncle. And be ready for some strange concerns. I have one aunt who requested I put no pictures of her online on my tree, because she doesn't want "just anyone getting those". That's simple enough, I honestly don't think she's even sat for a photo since she was a child. Grandma asked that my family tree not separate her first three children out, because grandpa had indeed adopted them and they were family. Well, yeah they're family. I tried to explain that adoptive parents show as primary on my online tree and that I only wanted her first husband's name for looking up records, but she was seriously worried that three of my relatives would feel slighted by being reminded they were adopted. I guess never mind the aunt from grandpa's first marriage, right? People can be weird sometimes.

- Ana